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i find it so hard to wake up everyday to smile in front of u. we have feelings for each other but we cant be tgt. for many reasons. i’ll wait for u. but everyday can be quite tiring and i feel v hurt when u tell me tt u wanna be fair to him. i noe i came in so much l8r.. but i jus wan it to be simple. jus happy can le.
i dunno if ur parents start to dislike me. cos i seem v unwelcomed. mm. maybe i’m thinkin abit too much. but i realli wanna be w u.
sigh. when i meet you, i find the strength to wait for u again. but we have so lil time tgt. seems like we have even more obstacles in front of us. i’m jus so afraid. afraid of feeling sad again. cryin in the middle of the nite. afraid that e wound in my heart will bleed again. i nd some assurance. but i dun wanna b pushy.
wad shd i do? realli v vexed abt this.

bleeding love

feel very sad tdy.
sigh. maybe i jus came at the wrong time. =(

living under your spotlight.

just happen to chance upone this song by jennifer hudson- spotlight.
think the lyrics are damn meaningful.
been a long week. sigh. been thinking freedom vs money. what do i really want? den zavier told me sth v true. wout money even if you have freedom you cant realli do what you want, what you like.
i’m converting into a robot soon. ot ot ot. tuition and work and sleep.
i nd to do sth to bring myself up again. i jus feel so aimless in my life now. like, what do i wanna do in e future? how can i spend my week happily?
all this while i hav jus been following thru my life. pri sch, sec sch, jc and ns.
what do i want now? i dont want to live under someone’s spotlight again. i dun wanna be the one that is known to be this popular person’s ex or popular person’s fren. i wanna be myself. either that or i choose to be inexistent. maybe tt’s better. away from ppl. away from being the main subject of the topic for lunch or gathering.
be a hermit crab and hide myself away from everything. maybe then i can find comfort and peace within. then i can really move on and be ready for a new chapter of my life.
right now, i’m still stuck at the last paragraph of the previous chapter. cant find an appropriate conclusion to end it. because i do’t even know why the chapter ended. so many questions. so many regrets. so many maybes. maybe too many of such things.

countdown to 2009

new year’s eve: i worked till 5plus. went to sharon’s ex colleague, rena’s place for hse party. met new ppl. around the same age. elson came. there was bbq. then we went to spore swimming club the karaoke room to sing. sat on this merc S class. voted s 2008 best luxury car. omfg. its realli dem posh. sometimes i wonder why ppl can become so rich. sian. went to eat prata at geylang serai at 230 cos the guys oni bought mac for themselves. lol. anws, me elson ron and adeline talked abt our rlnship exp. all of us sms or call a special someone to tell them happy new year but somehow we were either ignored or given a cold shoulder.
so sad rite. the start of the new year u get this kinda shit from the ppl u care for the most. after that we came back and they were high playin drinkin game.
played for a while den after a while it jus got quite borin. battle of the EXes. lol. the dares were jus the usual stuff la. ex do on ex. went off at 6 plus. slept till 1. haha.
new year’s day. spent w my family. stayed at home until evening. dinner at west coast. came back home and started watchin tv.
got work tml at 8am . i gotta slp. dem tired.
2009. i’m disappointed at how my year started.
hope that things will get better s it goes along.

2days before new year

2 days before new year. i feel so apprehensive toward 2009. for it is so mysterious. u dun know what lies in the year where i’ll finally turn 21, where a real adult will be born.
i feel that my social circle is closing in. and in the coming year, my social life will just revolve around my workplace and home.  which apparently equates to no social life. many of my close frens will be leaving overseas for studies. it seemed lyk i’m the only one left here to study in nus. zavier’s kinda attached now so we dun realli meet up tt often anymore. what excitement and surprises will there be in 2009? i realli cant wait to know. to forget the past and move on completely. to put behind 08 and embrace 09. yet another year has passed. but what have i achieve in 08? what have i done proud in 08? 
the answer is nothing.

yet another weekend

last week of 2008 was one of my funniest weekend ever.
the usual routine started off w soccer at lam soon met up w gab..
i scored 2 goals btw! hehe. at least i’m still gd at scoring. haha.
came home and sent my sis off to lot 1 to meet her friend before meeting amber for lunch and shopping at ikea. haha. tt was the fun part.
ok  i admit. i’m quite bad in directions. so yea, i din noe how to go to ikea. from the station. so i jus followed blindly and alighted 2 stops later.
amber has a weird likely for huge mega stores lyk ikea and erm… giant. HAHA. will explain why later. anw, we went to the cafe and i had the swedish meatballs and chicken wings and she had fries cos she’s a veggie for now. we were looking for her new bed. lol she wanted a bed tt looks abit like a prison cell. lol! no offence la but the grills realli look lyk prison cell!
i seriously tink the white one will look better in her room. ok at least imagine la.
so we headed to anchorpoint and there were so many outlets of different shops la like giordano, capitol, city chain, club marc, charles and keith, pedro ad blah.. mm the things they sell are really cheaper! haha. next time i noe where to go if i wanna shop for pedro stuff! hee.
and then queensway shopping centre. nth much there cos we weren’t looking for any sports stuff. she bought this jap brand shampoo and the panda eyes removal thingee. haha. the advertisement on tv tt has the cute panda on it.. cant rmb the brand le.
wanted to go imm cos she wanted to go giant. lol. told you abt her weir liking for megastores. but i had to rush for a party so in e end we went to bukit batok. walked to the civil service club and played pool. haha at last i get to c the ah lian playing pool! lol. it was so funni la. we played a while oni thou. the first game i lost cos my black ball went to the wrong pocket. zz.
the second game i lost cos.. er.. she had 2 free balls for the black ball! haha.
rushed to the party and i wasn’t the last to reach haha. heng sia. if not confirm kena suan by my bro. we had erm.. this salad w ham and jasmine asked us all to “lau yu sheng”. dem weird cos its salad! haha. we had sushi, subway platter and ham. wow the food is dem nice la. after that i learned abit of mahjong from chin nam and jasmine. den came the exchanging of presents. omg. ok this is the climax of the whole party!
among all the presents, there was one present that is very unique. lol. ok the person sae that the gift is v practical and everybody will need it everyday. guess what? the XMAS PRESENT turned out to be RICE. 10freaking KG of rice! OMG.  dem funni. so we all know tt her present is rice. but we gotta draw lots and get the presents. each present was tagged to a number so we all prayed not to hav it. there were 11 of us and every round the present received didn’t seem to be the rice. until the last two ppl: ming jun and jasmine. den ming jun was lyk ladies first. den jasmine got the 10 kg of RICE! haha. dem funni. we all had a gd laugh. hahax.
we wanted to go party world at causeway to sing but the guy told us it was full hse. den we wanted to watch bedtime stories. but the showtime was 12am. zz. the time was onli 1030 la. so in e end they dropped the idea and we just sat and the banquet and talked. den amber was at causeway cos she was watching ip mun w her fren. lol.
jasmine initiated the whole issue of sexuality and weird fetishes. lol. there were abt 8 of us talking abt what’s your ideal bf? what’s your craziest fantasy? what do you want your partner to wear if you have the chance to get them to wear a costume? do you prefer to do it indoor or outdoor? where exactly?  LOL. i’m the youngest there la hello! but it was kinda funni cos there are some weird ppl among the group then my bro jus cant stop laughin at them. haha dem bad. so everything jus ended at 12 plus den i jus headed home and slp.

den came sunday. which is boring. i jus sleep until 1 plus. den packed my room a lil. and ta da. its 930 pm. lol. wad a day.

last christmas

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me?
Well
If it’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me
“Merry Christmas”
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying “I love you”
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Ooooo
Oh oh baby

A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on
Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Oh oh
Now I’ve found a real love you’ll never fool me again

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

SPECIALLLLLL

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart ( Gave you my heart)
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Next year I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special.
Special
Someone someone
I’ll give it to someone,I’ll give it to someone special
Who’ll give something in return
I’ll give it to someone
Hold my heart and watch it burn
I’ll give me to someone,I’ll give it to someone special
I’ve got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
Gave you my heart
I’ll give it to someone,I’ll give it to someone
Last christmas i gave you my heart
You gave it away
I’ll give it to someone,I’ll give it to someone

birthday and genting.

this is realli absurd. i think i’m getting out of touch for this game. seriously.
i dunno wad r they thinkin. i dunno wad they want.
had so much fun at sean’s place on my birthday. fun bcos i got drunk n puked so much. lol. but i was realli disappointed the next day when zav told me abt the truth. lol. yeah. its jus weird.
i got a money clip from huilin, haviannas from zav, humsup num tank top from krish and roland, sean paid for my food, fm bought me teq gold, jade famous amos, my bro gave me a pencil box.
sums up my bday. i was practically a merlion. hah.. loads of fun from the half digested pizza and fried food.
the following day we went for a movie marathon yes man and twilight back to back. not too bad.
mm my bday party ended lyk tt and i headed to genting at nite.

genting was fun.managed toget into the casino and had a bit of fun. apart from fun. nth much realli. the place is too touristy. over-priced gifts are all over the shopping centers. listened to ppl carolling in one of the hotels. wow. i love xmas carols. ha. the bus ride back seemed lyk initial d la. down the slope. kinda scary but fun.

the trip din manage to inspire me to move ahead to do greater things. instead, i stopped for a while and just pondered about what has been going on. i realised it is time to stand alone and stay happy. at least i tink i shd try to be happy.

bad day.

everytime i blog will be an emo post i realised. last day at AR tdy.
met new ppl. dexter. my bro’s batch mate. haha. anw tdy i listened in to gab again. haha. he’s dem funni. muz learn all the skills from him. dem gd.
tdy sean tell me might push the party to thurs.
where i’m supposed to meet her. oh well. i guess its time to choose bros b4 hoes. anw. i think i give up la. sigh. i dun even noe how she tinks abt me.
meetin zav in a while. he’s doin pretty gd. got a new gal now. gg sentosa tml somemore. lol. so happening.
unlike me. LOL. back to haw par tml again. haha. i’m so gg to learn my skills from my seniors and use it man.
but i feel so drained jus listenin to calls tdy. hai. seriously. my mind is so confused now.
can you jus tell me what r you thinkin?

complain!

tdy is the day where i’m totally exploited. damn it. did ccc in the morning. everything we learned was jus forgotten so all of us had a hard time trying to figure out what to do and how to do certain things. so after lunch we told betty we wanna do listen in. the stupid J. brought us to double bank instead. wa den i hav to raise 8 freaking jv sia. dem tedious. but overall was kinda fufillin cos i get to realli learn the things i hav been taught.
met zav, wey chong and teng for twilight and dinner. den tau huay at rochor beancurd. after that was home sweet home. freakin tired tdy. lol. still got soccer at 10 in the morning later.
weekend is here! i wonder wad i shall do for the weekend.